christabelle.com

So, as some of you may know, I’ve been going through a bit of a difficult time lately. I certainly won’t go into much detail here, but it all boils down to too much stress sneaking up on me and then attacking with a vengeance! Sources of this stress were: Facebook, Twitter, completion of my book, completion of the HL album, my worrisome nature and not really dealing with the past. So, I’m taking steps to fix this.

This morning I deactivated my FB and Twitter accounts and it felt wonderful. More stress just floated off of my shoulders. I did like Facebook at first, but it then became a magnetic presence more than a joy. I found myself biting my tongue over people’s posts, wanting to say far more than I ever really did. Why? It was their post, not mine. See, there was the stress. I was so focused on what someone else thought about Michael Jackson’s death, or any number of other topics, that I didn’t tend to my own needs in real life. Yes, I know FB is real posts from real people, and people I know at that, but it’s also a safe little world that you never really have to leave if you don’t want to get out of your chair that day. I felt myself being “sucked in”, and it fed my ego in a very uncomfortable way. I thought “I wonder if anyone commented on what I said/posted yesterday?” and if they didn’t, it was almost worse. No one cared. It was just a big ball of unwanted, stressful agony! So, I stopped. I’m not saying it’s wrong, please don’t interpret it that way. It’s just not for me. Twitter wasn’t nearly as invasive, but it just had to go, too. They’re all distractions from life for me. I was totally fine, and more productive, before they both came along. Besides, with all that twittering and commenting, I have been coarsely neglecting my own beloved site! I’m back now, and will post once every couple of weeks or so when I have something to report. And those word count guidelines on FB and Twitter, well, I just couldn’t be my rambling self and say what I really wanted to say! Where’s the fun in that?

In more positive news, I’m doing so much better. I’ve been reading a wonderful book on anxiety (From Panic to Power by Lucinda Bassett) and it’s helped me tremendously. We all have issues we need to work on and mine have just reached the point where I can’t wait any longer. I have to fix this stuff now. I want to be happy, bright and not wallow in the past or the darkness any longer. I’ve spent way too much time there already. My Mom was right. The thirties will do a number on your mind. It seems to be when the past really catches up with you. That is certainly the case with me. The unresolved is a real bitch!

In garden news, things are still a soggy mess on our lower back level, but it will be ok in time. I have many plans for my good beds and that’s what I’m going to focus on. I’ve ordered quite a few Strawberry plants (three different varieties, 100 plants in all!) and another David Austin Rose, aptly named ‘Strawberry Hill’, which I plan to plant in the empty bed by the contorted Mulberry tree. I figure that Roses and Strawberries do so well in my garden that I can just go forward knowing I’ll have a great harvest! Plus, I can never get enough of those lovely berries. I also love sticking my nose deep into the lush cups of soft rose petals, taking in their heavenly aromas. These are pleasures I never tire of.

This is ‘L.D. Braithwaite‘, another David Austin variety. This is one of my favorite garden friends. He produces heavily and keeps on going all Summer long! Even in a windy spot, he flourishes. He’s a keeper! I love ya, L.D.!!

Amidst these new plantings, I think I’ll plant some more tender herbs, too. I have all of the staples covered, so I might try some Tarragon, Chervil, Dill and anything else that strikes my fancy. I just love a mixed bed! I may try some veggies in little nooks of unused, sunny space, as Marvin suggested, but we’ll see. I’m definitely in a Rose & Berry mood this year. I can almost taste the warm, sun-ripened berries plucked right from the garden. I can see it now: I stand there, berry in hand and ankle-deep in lush plants, and close my eyes. I bite. The berry flavor shoots straight to my taste buds, exploding with succulent sweetness. I sigh that sigh of absolute joy and savor every bite. Bliss! As any gardener knows, there is nothing sweeter than that. I must have it!

I know it’s cliche, but gardening really does help clear the mind. As I weed my garden, my mind gets clearer as well. I start envisioning new plantings, mature growth of my still-forming teenagers, and it lifts my heart. My goal is to spend more time outside when weather permits. I’ll probably be all tan (a farmer’s tan at that) before I know it. Oh, how very sexy!

The warmer, sunnier months are ahead. I’m charging toward them with great expectations! I’m on the mend, and I’m just around the bend.

In whatever you do, take care of yourself. That is the most important thing!

With all of my undying love,

Christa Belle