christabelle.com

In these past few weeks, I’ve had a lot on my mind, and on my plate. The busy party planning days for my Halloween bash are now over. Though it was great, it wore me out! Now, I can relax a bit and enjoy my creativity with writing my book (which is going well, by the way!), my end of year video project and Hungry Lucy music. While my progress is great, I still have an antsy feeling I can’t shake. I think I know what it is, and I hope to remedy it soon. Being October, Halloween and the beginning of a lovely Autumn, I long for days walking about the cemetery crunching leaves beneath my feet and watching the sky.

The cemetery holds many, many dear memories for me. I had been exposed to the Lexington Cemetery since early childhood. My Mother would take me and my sisters to feed the ducks & geese and look at all of the lovely trees and beauty within this hallowed ground. So, I can fully blame my Mother for my love of cemeteries! I’m glad I was never afraid to be in one. That, to me, would just be so sad. And now, to be surrounded by many either way I venture out, I can’t help but crave an adventure in a cemetery a little less known to me. I went to one recently right in Hamilton that I had been wanting to go to for a while. The problem is, I go alone.

I miss the days of my friends and I wandering about, taking photos and chatting the day away. We were unaware of what distances would separate us in the future. Probably better that we didn’t know. Sadly, this separation was my own doing. I’m the one who moved away. Therefore, I feel I took away my chances to be with my dear friends. I know, we all have our own adult lives to lead now. But, I miss the days of carefree adventures with my three friends in Lexington. This time of year, especially, I miss it so much. There are also other friends I have made with a high regard for cemeteries. How I long to go and shoot pictures as I used to. I do go shooting now and I love it, don’t get me wrong. But, there was a magick in it before that seems to have gone away. Now, they simply seem like statues when I look at them. There’s no one to share the moment with as it happens. It’s just me, my camera and endless pictures with no soul. At least, that’s how it feels right now. I hope my mood will lighten and I can just enjoy the day of shooting at the cemetery. It is still a highly pleasurable experience just to be there.

Even though I miss those days, I love my present days, too. But, I never have quite made a close friend here in Cincinnati. I don’t make friends easily. But, when I do, it’s for life! But, I’m rambling and beginning to make no sense. It’s my site, though. So, I can if I wanna!!

I have never felt like I’ve really grown up. I kinda like that. I don’t feel that it’s silly for me to feel this way. Or any other way, for that matter. I always feel like “real” adults think you should push back certain feelings and concentrate on being an adult and all of the responsibilities that come with it. Well, pardon my french, but screw that!! I just want to follow my heart. How can that be bad? My Mother did always encourage me to be expressive. As did Mimi, my Grandmother. So have many others along the way. I will always thank them for that and for allowing me, though a bit reluctantly at times, to just be me. Now, I have a wonderfully supportive husband that does the same. He’s always encouraging me to “go for it” and be as creative as I possibly can be. I’m trying, sweets. I’m trying.

I guess the moral of this blabbering story is that with or without friends to share the moment with, you still have to make your own moments and cherish them. You can’t go back. Only forward. Make the best of it and don’t wish your life away. I know… easier said than done.

Much Love to Everyone,

cb

PS…this picture was taken at the glorious Spring Grove Cemetery in Cincinnati, OH.